


Happy Families

by Higgles123



Category: Legend (2015)
Genre: F/M, Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Psychosis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:07:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22424563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgles123/pseuds/Higgles123
Summary: Reggie Kray and his wife have a baby. It's a time when everything should be happy and full of joy, but this is a short two or three part fic about the very real issues of postpartum depression and psychosis
Relationships: Reginald "Reggie" Kray/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter One

“Proper corker, aint she?”

Ronnie Kray stared down at the tiny, tightly swaddled baby in his twin brother’s expensive suit clad arms. Ronnie was the first to admit he wasn’t the sort to get giddy or even remotely excited by a baby, but this baby was different. This was Reggie’s firstborn child and therefore she was special. She was the princess to an empire that her tiny little brain would never be able to fathom.

Lydia Josephine Kray, born a little over one week ago weighing six pounds and eight ounces, with hair the same fiery auburn shade as her mother’s and eyes blue like a bright summer sky. There wasn’t a child in the east end of London more loved or more coddled, despite having been on the earth such a short time. The number of gifts and cards that came through the door each day was astounding; from neighbours and friends to complete strangers.

“Yeah, she’s alright but I reckon she wants a cuddle from her Uncle Ron, you know,” Ronnie peered over his glasses and gave a small smile. Well, from anyone else it was a sort of grimace but it was the closest thing to a smile that Ronnie could do.

“Oh is that right?” Reggie grinned, shaking his head wryly. “Well, I guess I can share her for a few minutes, and only cos it’s you. But don’t let Kate see otherwise I’ll be in for a right bollocking. She don’t want anyone holding the baby in case they make her ill.”

“Baby’s gotta get germs,” Ronnie frowned, thinking of his sister in law of three years. Although he had known her, just like Reggie, since childhood. She always had been a bit of a worrier, but since Lydia was born she had gotten even worse. He supposed that was just new mothers for you. “And I aint just anyone.”

“All I’m saying is that it’s your funeral, Ron,” Reggie raised his eyebrows and gently placed his daughter into his brother’s waiting arms. “And mine.”

Ronnie didn’t care. He would die for this tiny little human and not even think twice about it. She was so small and the way her little fist would curl around his finger always made a lump appear in his throat. He had never thought himself to be a man with any softness inside of him. He was hard, cold, angry, insane, deranged… the list of rather uncomplimentary adjectives that he actually revelled in were endless. But when it came to this angelic little creature made up of half of his own blood, he would do everything in his power to never let her see that side of him. If she wanted Uncle Ronnie to dress up like a fucking fairy and have afternoon tea when she was older, he would do that and more.

“Looks like her Mum, don’t she?” Reggie commented.

“That she does,” Ronnie nodded. “Lucky really cos otherwise the poor little sod would have your ugly looks.”

“If my looks are ugly then so are yours, you plantpot,” Reggie smirked.

“Nah,” Ronnie shook his head and furrowed his brow seriously. “Everyone knows I’m the good looking one.”

Reggie was prevented from making a flippant remark in answer because suddenly the thundering of stomping stockinged footsteps ran hurriedly down the stairs, and he quickly snatched the baby back from Ronnie, smiling innocently as his wife burst in through the living room door.

“How long has she been awake?” Kate eyed her husband angrily.

Kate Kray nee Smyth was half Scottish and as if her flame red hair wasn’t enough of a clue, her temper most definitely was. It was her temper that had firmly cemented her friendship with the Kray twins back when they were nine and she seven. Reggie had pulled her hair and she had smacked him in the face so hard that he fell to the ground, while she climbed on top of him and reigned down punch after punch until her mum had come and dragged her away. Later that afternoon, she had come to their house with her mum and spat out a sullen apology that as soon as their mothers’ backs were turned she retracted with a glare.

That was the day that Reggie Kray declared to his brother he was going to marry that girl. Ronnie had thought he had absolutely no chance, but time was a funny thing. People grew up and as soon as Kate had gotten into her teenage years, she had begun to view Reggie completely differently. They had been disgustingly in love ever since, but Kate’s father refused his permission for them to marry until Kate had finished school and gone to secretarial college. He wanted his daughter to have something to fall back on and be reliant on no man.

The day after she passed her exams, she and Reggie disappeared for three days. No one, not even Ronnie, knew their whereabouts, but when they finally returned it was as husband and wife. They hadn’t wanted any big, lavish wedding; they just wanted each other. Of course, the natural succession to marriage had been to start a family. She and Reggie had been talking about children for years; they even had all the names picked out. But it had taken three years and four heartbreaking miscarriages until they got the family they had always dreamt of. And now everything was as perfect as could be… well, sort of.

“Only a couple of hours,” Reggie smiled down at Lydia, trying to keep his voice even. “We got up and had some breakfast then Uncle Ronnie came by to visit and talk about business.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Kate demanded.

“I thought you could have done with the extra sleep, love,” Reggie replied. “You was up loads last night with her.”

“Yes I was because that’s what Mums are supposed to do,” Kate snapped, holding her arms out for the baby with an impatient look. “She must be starving, poor little mite.”

“No, she only had a feed about forty minutes ago,” Reggie shook his head. “I know I aint very good at all the nappies and stuff, but I can just about make up a bottle you know.”

“Why would you do that?” Kate looked at her husband as though he had smacked her in the face.

“To help you,” Reggie frowned, beginning to lose patience with the constant mood swings from his wife. This was precisely why he let her sleep in this morning. She was so cranky constantly and it was starting to wear thin. He was trying to be patient and remember that she was just tired, but he was close to losing it with her. “That’s one of the great things about this formula stuff, aint it? Means I can help you out a bit more.”

“I don’t need you to help me out,” Kate’s eyes were furious. “I told you I don’t want her having that stuff. Why can’t you just listen to me, Reg?”

“First of all, she’s my kid and if I wanna get up and feed her, I fucking will,” Reggie growled, pointing his finger angrily. His hand actually shook with the force of trying to hold in his rage. “And you heard what the midwife said the other day about her not getting enough milk from you. You’re trying your best, love, but don’t think I couldn’t hear you crying in the night when you were trying to feed her cos it’s hurting you so much.”

“I can’t believe you’re siding with her,” Kate shook her head and bit on her wobbling bottom lip. “She’s just saying that because she’s a cow and she doesn’t want me and the baby to have a bond. She’s jealous and you’re giving her exactly what she wants.”

“Jealous?” Reggie pulled a face. “Kate, get a fucking grip, will you?”

“No, I won’t,” Kate spat. “That formula stuff is poison and I won’t have her drinking it, do you hear me?”

“If it were poison, the midwife wouldn’t be telling you to feed it to her, you daft mare,” Reggie argued.

“Did you not listen to what I just told you?”

“Oh my mistake. The midwife’s jealous and so she’s trying to poison our fucking baby. You’re deranged you,” Reggie scoffed, putting his finger to his temple and glaring. “You’re turning into a right fucking nutter.”

“Reg,” Ronnie interceded. So far he had been silent during the altercation but things were getting a little too heated for his liking. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t witnessed many a row between his brother and Kate, but the woman had only given birth a little over a week ago and was still all emotional and woman-like.

“Come on Ron,” Reggie spat. “I can’t stay in here with her for another minute. She’s a fucking fruit loop.”

“Good,” Kate shouted as Ronnie and Reg headed to the front door. “I don’t want you near her anyway. Just fuck off.”

“I’m going, don’t fucking worry. And I’m not coming back until you get your shit together!”

The door slammed shut and Kate felt nothing but relief.

“Ssh, it’s alright sweetheart,” she rocked the baby who was crying now. “Mummy’s here now. Let’s get you fed, hmm?”

Sitting down on the couch, Kate unbuttoned her blouse and put the baby to her breast, squeezing her eyes shut at the agony of her daughter feeding. Her breasts hurt constantly and the nipples bled all the time, but she would persevere through it for the sake of her little cherub. Breast is best; that’s what everyone had said for the entirety of her pregnancy, and she knew it to be true. Who knew what the hell was in formula? It could have been anything. But her own milk came from her and she knew everything she put into her body. She knew that the milk her baby got from her was full of goodness and love.

Why was everyone so determined to force her into giving the baby a bottle? It had all begun with the midwife a few days ago. Stacey Campion. Everyone knew that blonde bimbo had fancied Reggie for years and was green with envy that he had never so much as glanced in her direction. She thought she was Gods gift to men with her tight dresses and her bouncing breasts. Well, she wasn’t so glamorous when she was shoving enemas up labouring mothers and being vomited upon by squealing babies. And everyone knew she was a right dirty slapper. It was a surprise that she didn’t have about ten different kids all to different fathers considering how much she flaunted herself about.

Kate knew this was precisely why Stacey was trying to turn Reggie against her. She wanted Kate to look like she incompetent and a failure as a mother so she could try and get her claws into him. It was bad enough it taken five pregnancies for Kate to give her husband a child in the first place. Well, she was damned if she was going to fail at this. She was going to prove them all wrong; even Reggie.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Three days later_

It was a beautifully warm spring day yet Kate was sat in the bedroom with the curtains closed, waiting for the midwife to come and wallowing in the darkened room. After shouting at Stacey Campion on her last visit, Reggie had apologised profusely and asked if they could perhaps have a midwife who didn’t know Kate. The older lady that visited for the first time yesterday was firm yet friendly, and Kate had agreed begrudgingly that she could come again today. Another few days and she would be discharged from the district midwives, and Kate was eagerly counting down the hours until she could be left in peace with her baby.

“Mrs Kray,” there was a gentle rap on the bedroom door. “Midwife calling.”

“Ok,” Kate muttered with a sigh.

“Good morning, Mrs Kray,” Nurse Forbes smiled breezily. Far too breezily for someone who had been up since the crack of dawn. “How are we today?”

“Fine,” Kate answered, kissing the top of Lydia’s soft head.

“And baby? She’s doing well?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t she be?” Kate asked defensively.

“I was just asking, dear,” the midwife smiled, yanking open the thick curtains to let in the blaring sunlight. “You need to get some fresh air and daylight in here. It’s good for you and for baby.”

“I don’t want the curtains open,” Kate frowned. “And you can shut that window as well. I’m not having the baby getting poorly.”

“Nonsense; it’s not cold out today and the fresh air will do her wonders.”

“I said, I want them shut.”

“I’ll shut them before I leave if you’re really that bothered,” the woman wouldn’t be dissuaded. “Your husband mentioned that he might accompany you on a little walk this afternoon. It’s the perfect day for it.”

“No,” Kate answered straight away. “I told him I don’t wanna go out because I’m not having everyone stopping us every five minutes and breathing all over Lydia. They’ll make her poorly.”

“Of course they won’t,” Nurse Forbes scoffed. “A little family walk out in the sunshine will be lovely.”

Kate gritted her teeth but said nothing.

“Has baby been taking the formula well?”

“Her name is Lydia, and no, I’m feeding her myself,” Kate shook her head. “I don’t want her on the formula.”

“I understand, dear, but if you recall yesterday I mentioned that you seemed to have a touch of mastitis,” the midwife sat down on the edge of the bed. “It’s better for you and for baby to have a break for a few days.”

“And if you recall, I told you yesterday that I don’t want to take a break,” Kate snapped. “I don’t care how much it hurts, I’m feeding her myself. I’m her mum and it’s my choice; not yours, not Nurse bloody Campion, and not even that knobhead downstairs who thinks he’s now an expert on childrearing. Got that?”

“Quite,” Nurse Forbes’ professional facade didn’t falter even for a moment. “Will you at least let me have a look at your breasts? Just to check they’re not any worse?”

Reluctantly Kate nodded and placed Lydia in her Moses basket beside the bed before unbuttoning her nightgown. The midwife grimaced when she saw the nipples that were cracked and caked with dried blood. There was no way the woman before her wasn’t in excruciating agony and if she didn’t stop nursing for a few days, it was only going to get worse. But the steely resolve on the young mother’s face was one she had seen only a handful of times during her twenty years of midwifery.

“I still maintain that you would be better to put her on the formula for a day or two, but I know that’s not something you’re happy to do. Therefore, if you insist on pushing through with it then I can’t force you to do otherwise. But I am going to ask the doctor to pop in and see you on his rounds tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“Because it looks like you might be starting with a slight infection and he will want to prescribe you some antibiotics to help,” she explained. “And also, I would like him to have a little talk with you about how you’re feeling?”

“How I’m feeling?” Kate pulled a face. “I feel fine.”

“Your husband mentioned that you’ve been a little bit low in mood and you’ve been fretting a little more than usual.”

What the midwife didn’t mention was all of the other things Mr Kray had mentioned when she had first arrived. In the kitchen with his brother, he had no problem in admitting that Kate wasn’t behaving quite like her usual self at all. She was moody, and could go from crying one minute to screaming and shouting the next. She wasn’t sleeping. Even when the baby was asleep, she would sit up watching over the Moses basket to make sure nothing happened to her. If anyone had hold of the baby, even her own husband, she wouldn’t take her eyes off them for a second and would quickly ask for them to give the baby back.

“Well he’s got no right to be spouting his mouth off like that,” Kate spat. “I aint low in mood. I’m just tired because I’ve got a new baby. All new mum’s are tired, and so what if I worry about her? I’m supposed to; that’s my job.”

“Of course, my dear,” the older woman nodded, careful to proceed delicately. “It’s just that sometimes there are some mothers who get a little bit of what we call the baby blues, and it sounds like you might be heading down that path.”

“Baby blues?” Kate scoffed. “So you’re insinuating that I’m a fucking nutter?”

“Not at all,” Nurse Forbes shook her head.

“Get out,” Kate said. “Please just get out and leave me alone.”

“Mrs Kr-“

“-Get out!” she screamed. “Get out of my fucking house, you interfering old bag.”

Reggie came bounding up the stairs and burst into the bedroom without knocking.

“Get her out of here,” Kate screamed at him.

“Mr Kray, your wife is just a little bit upset,” the nurse murmured. “I think it might be best to get the doctor out to see her today if possible.”

“Reggie, get her out of here before I fucking remove her myself,” Kate growled.

“Kate, calm down,” Reggie shouted, grabbing his wife by the face and forcing her to look at him. “Calm the fuck down. Kate this isn’t you. I don’t think you’re well, love.”

“I know what you’re doing, Reg. I know what you’re all doing,” Kate spat. “You’re all trying to make me think I’m mad because you want to take my baby away. This is why you’ve been trying to get her on the formula as well. It’s all part of your plan to take Lydia away from me, isn’t it?”

“Sweetheart, no one wants to take Lydia away from you,” Reggie rubbed his thumb across her cheek, catching the tears that were falling. “But we just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m sorry,” Kate whispered, all of a sudden calmer than just a few seconds before. She was trembling. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just terrified of not being with her.”

“You don’t need to be afraid, love,” Reggie smiled reassuringly. “But you do need to let the midwife do her job, which is to help you, and if that means letting the doctor come then so be it. Last thing I want is you getting locked away cos you were too proud to accept help when it was offered. What would I do without you, eh?”

Kate nodded, choking back a sob.

“I’m just scared that the doctor is gonna just lock me away or think I’m an unfit mother.”

“Nobody thinks that, Mrs Kray, I can assure you,” Nurse Forbes said kindly. “And nobody wants to lock you anywhere. We want you at home with your husband and your child, and most of all we want you well.”

“Alright,” Kate let out a shaky breath. “I’ll see the doctor.”

“That’s a good girl,” Reggie took her hand and kissed it reverently. “I’ll stay with you the whole time if you want, yeah?”

“Yes please,” Kate squeezed his hand tightly. “Promise you won’t leave me and you won’t let them take me anywhere?”

“I promise, love.”

Doctor Ashington diagnosed Kate with melancholia brought on by the birth of her child combined with exhaustion. He gave her an injection to help her sleep while he and the nurse discussed a plan of action with Reggie.

It was agreed that there was no need for Kate to be removed from the home as she wasn’t a danger to herself or her baby. In fact, it was obvious that she worshipped the baby ridiculously. Therefore the doctor thought it was most definitely in her best interests to keep them together. Nurse Forbes would call in twice daily to check on mother and baby, and alongside antibiotics for the mastitis, Kate was prescribed some medication to help her mood.

That night, Reggie sat in the rocking chair feeding Lydia and watching his sleeping wife, finally letting his shoulders slump with the stress of it all. He was adamant that he could help her get through this and they would be the happy family they had always dreamed of.


	2. Chapter Two

Ronnie sat at the small kitchen table and wondered if he was even in the same household as just a few days ago. Kate was at the stove cooking bacon and eggs, giggling at Reggie who had his arms wound around her waist and was tickling her neck with his stubbly chin. He would have found it sickening if he wasn’t in awe of the massive change in atmosphere. Reggie had said that Kate was taking her pills from the doctor every day and the improvement in her was astounding already. For some reason though- an entirely unfathomable reason that Ronnie couldn’t shake- something about it all didn’t sit right with him. He himself had had his fair share of those pills over the years when he was in the nut house and even for him, a big bruiser of a bloke, they had left him drowsy and unable to function like a normal human being. Yet Kate, who was so slight that she could be knocked over like a leaf in a breeze, was full of beans and so much energy that it was like she had drunk ten cups of that strong Italian coffee one right after the other.

“Another egg, Ron?” she called over her shoulder sweetly.

“I won’t say no,” he murmured, eyeing her cooly over his glasses.

From upstairs came the unmistakable hungry cry of little Lydia and Reggie kissed Kate on the cheek before going up to get her. His footsteps were loud as he stomped up the stairs in his polished black shoes, and it was only a few seconds before they could hear the deep rumble of his voice from the front bedroom as he greeted his daughter.

“More tea?” Lydia asked, plopping another egg and a round of toast on Ron’s empty plate.

“Please,” he nodded. “If you don’t mind me saying, Kate, you seem to be doing a lot better.”

“Oh I am,” she nodded enthusiastically. A little too enthusiastically for Ronnie’s liking. “Yeah, I’m feeling tonnes better you know. The pills are really helping; I didn’t think they would.”

“Hmm,” Ronnie grunted, adding milk to his tea from the little china jug on the table. “Reggie said you’ve got the baby on that formula permanently now. You alright with that?”

“Oh yes,” she smiled easily. “It’s much better for her and for me, I tell you. I don’t really know what I made such a fuss about.”

“Here she is; Daddy’s little princess has come to say good morning to everyone,” Reggie appeared with a grin, holding Lydia who had stopped crying for the moment and was staring wide-eyed around the room. She was in that sweet little phase where she was starting to really try and focus in on her surroundings with those big blue newborn orbs.

“Hello beautiful,” Kate cooed, holding out her arms. “Are you coming for a cuddle with Mummy before your bottle?”

“I thought maybe she might like to see Uncle Ron first,” Reggie said almost testing the water. “He’s not seen her a few days, so maybe you can get her bottle ready and then we can get out of your hair while you feed her and get ready for the day?”

“Of course,” Kate nodded, smiling as Ronnie took his tiny niece in one arm and finished his toast with his free hand.

“Look at them eyes,” he commented. “Like little windows to the soul, them.”

Reggie grinned and pulled on his jacket while Kate made up the bottle with her back to them. Ronnie glanced over at her a little warily, concerned that she might be unhappy about him holding the baby, but he was strangely relieved to see that she her shoulders were relaxed and she was paying them no attention.

“Right Ronnie,” Reggie quickly downed the last of his tea and slammed the cup down on the table, just as the sound of a car horn beeped outside. “Let’s go before Albie has a fit wondering where we are. Kate, give us a kiss, love.”

Ronnie averted his eyes and concentrated on the soft button nose and long dark eyelashes of his niece while her parents embraced each other lovingly.

“Alright that’s enough of that you two,” he grumbled eventually standing up. “You’ll have Kate up the spout with another one if you carry on like that.”

“Sorry,” Kate grinned sheepishly, taking Lydia from Ronnie.

“He’s just jealous, Kate,” Reggie teased, kissing her on the head and then bending down to kiss Lydia too. “I reckon he wishes he’d got to you first instead of me.”

“Nah, I’m missing something very important to be up Ron’s street,” Kate smirked playfully. She and Reggie, just like most people in the area, knew of Ronnie’s fondness for men. But unlike mostother people, it didn’t bother Kate one bit. She was firmly of the opinion that it was nobody else’s business.

“Very funny, Kate,” Ronnie muttered, although his lips did twitch ever so slightly with amusement. “See you later, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“You gonna be alright, love?” Reggie checked as Kate walked them to the front door.

“Of course,” she smiled, touching his cheek. “I’m gonna feed Lydia then we might go out for a little walk. She really enjoyed going out in the pram yesterday afternoon.”

“And I bet it was nice for you to get out from beneath these four walls, eh?”

“Absolutely,” Kate agreed wholeheartedly. “Now bugger off and let me and Lydia get on with our day.”

“Alright bossy boots,” Reggie winked. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Kate closed the door gently behind them both and the second she saw them disappear into the car waiting outside she turned the lock. Her skin was crawling as she held the baby in her arms. The poor little mite was filthy from having other people’s hands all over her. She needed to be cleaned as quickly as possible so she wouldn’t get poorly.

With the baby in her arms, she ran up the stairs to the bathroom and began to fill the tub with water. Lydia was screaming and crying, remembering once again that she was in fact hungry.

“I know, darling. You’re hungry and I’m going to feed you now.” she cooed putting Lydia to her breast. The baby fussed and kept turning her head away but Kate persevered. “Lydia my sweetheart, come on. You can do this; I know you can. You need to do this sweetheart. I’m sorry I’ve been letting them feed you that awful stuff but we have to let them think they’re winning. It’s the only way they’ll let us stay together. But soon we’ll be able to go and be together forever, won’t we? Just a little while longer and we can go.”

Kate hated having to treat Lydia this way; like a pawn in this game, but it was an evil necessity. Kate had come to realise that it wasn’t just the midwife and the doctor who were trying to conspire against her, they had managed to brainwash Reggie into believing them as well. Every morning and evening he would watch as she took her pills, adamant that they were to help her get better. But the truth was that there was nothing wrong with her. Nothing at all apart from the fact that she was a mother who wanted to look after her child and keep her safe, which was precisely why the second Reggie’s back was turned she would spit those tablets out and throw them in the bin. She hated lying to Reggie but it couldn’t be helped. There was no redeeming him from the evil claws of those who wore uniforms or fake smiles and pretended to care, when in truth all they wanted to do was to take Lydia away from the person who loved her most in all the word.

Kate wasn’t even sure of their motives, but all she knew was that whenever other people were near, their inky souls would claw and grab at Lydia’s pure white one to try and lure her to the dark side. But she would never allow that to happen. Not ever. Even yesterday when she had gone for a walk, that had all been part of her greater plan. She had gone out solely in the hope that word would get around to Reggie, which it had, and it was just another way to make him believe she was on what he deemed the road to recovery. It was much better to placate him then to raise his suspicions and have him ruin her plan. 

She would do everything in her power to protect her daughter which was why she knew she had to bide her time until it was right, and then she would never have to worry about keeping Lydia safe ever again.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“So things at home are better then?”

Reggie took a drag of his cigarette and turned his head to look at his brother. The club was empty apart from the bar staff bumbling around, setting up for the large group that had booked four tables for tonight. The dancing girls had finished their rehearsal and were taking a break in the dressing rooms, leaving Ronnie and Reggie to get on with some paperwork in peace. Paperwork was surely created by the devil but it was necessary and the brothers preferred to deal with it themselves when possible.

“Oh god yeah, tonnes better,” Reggie nodded. “You saw Kate; she’s like a different person. She’s like the Kate I married.”

“And you aren’t worried?” Ronnie asked, his eyes brows knitted together in that fashion they always were; just one of the many things that earned him the reputation of being the moodier of the two brothers. Reggie was always prepared with a cheeky smile to catch people unaware when he eventually released the devil that lay beneath.  


“About what?” Reggie frowned.

  
“Well about Kate,” Ronnie said tentatively, clearing his throat as he tried to approach the subject delicately. “I know she seems to be doing better and all, but are you not worried she’s doing a little too well?” 

  
“Too well? Are you taking the fucking piss, Ron?” Reggie glared. “I don’t understand what point you’re trying to make to be honest but I think we should stop this conversation now.”

  
“If you wanna bury your head in the sand then by all means go for it,” Ronnie muttered with a shrug. 

  
“Right,” Reggie slammed his pen down angrily and the quiet hum of chatter from the bar staff disintegrated into silence. Reggie lowered his voice to a hiss although the malice was still as intense as if he were shouting. “I’m not gonna fucking listen to this. My wife had a rough couple of weeks but she’s been taking her pills every day and you’ve seen for yourself, she’s happy as Larry. I don’t know what your problem is or why you’re so desperate for it to be shit but can’t you just be fucking happy for me, eh? Or is it because you’re so fucking jealous that you have to share me not only with Kate but with the baby now as well? When are you gonna realise we’re not kids anymore? We don’t need to be attached like we were in the womb. In fact, I fucking love not having to be with you all the time because you drive me around the fucking bend.”

  
“I think the problem Reg is that you’re so desperate to believe that everything’s alright, you’re refusing to even acknowledge what I’m saying,” Ronnie spoke calmly. “You forget I’ve taken those pills myself and she should be sluggish and tired, not racing around like a fucking racing car.”

  
“Well have you ever thought that perhaps that’s because she don’t need to take as many as you were on because she’s not fucking deranged!” Reggie stood up, his face reddening with rage. 

  
“I actually quite resent that, Reg,” Ronnie blinked behind his thick glasses.

  
“Oh you do, do you?” Reggie mocked pitifully. “Well I don’t give a flying fuck to be honest. You’re fucking unbelievable. Look at you just sitting there with that annoying fucking indifferent look on your face, acting like you’re not trying to rile me up.”

  
“That’s because I’m not trying to rile you up,” Ronnie answered. “I’m just trying to help.”   


“No, you’re disrespecting my fucking wife is what you’re doing.”

  
“Oh fuck off, Reg,” Ronnie scoffed. “You know I would never disrespect Kate; I like her too much for that. But you trust me, this is all gonna go tits up if you don’t listen to me and when it does, it’ll be me you come crying to.”

  
“I wouldn’t come crying to you about anything if you were the last person on this earth,” Reggie spat. “I’m finished with you, Ron. I’ll talk to you about business cos I have to, but I don’t ever wanna hear you talk about my family again. And you don’t come anywhere near them, we clear?”

  
Reggie didn’t wait for his brother’s reply and stormed from the club, slamming the door shut behind him. Ronnie sat coolly, eyeing the door and smoking on his cigar. He didn’t regret bringing up his suspicions with his brother, but he did regret that it had led to a falling out between them yet again. 

With a sigh, Ronnie leaned back in his chair and shouted out for someone to bring him a drink over. He knew in his heart of hearts something wasn’t right and eventually Reggie was going to have to see it whether he wanted to or not.

  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“You’re back early,” Kate commented, stilling her rapidly beating heart as she realised that if Reggie had returned just a few minutes earlier he would have seen her in tears trying to nurse the baby again.

“Wanted to see my two favourite girls, didn’t I?” he grinned, stroking Lydia’s cheek as she lay asleep in the Moses basket next to the sofa. “You had a nice day? Did you get out for a walk?”

“Oh no, we ended up having a lazy day together and napping. What’s the matter, Reg? You look tense.”

  
Kate hoped that by shifting the focus to her husband he wouldn’t notice the guilty look that she was certain was upon her face.

“Oh it’s nothing,” Reggie shook his head, sitting down on the couch and putting his arm around Kate.

“It must be something if it’s got you so upset,” she pried gently.

Reggie looked at her caring eyes and cupped her cheek. He smiled and pressed his forehead against hers so their noses touched.

“I love you, you know that?”

“I know,” she smiled. And truthfully she did not know that. Reggie loved her so much despite the fact that he had let himself be led astray by others. “And when you married me you promised to share all your worries and troubles with me, so let’s be having it. What’s he done now?”

“I’d rather not discuss it, Kate,” Reggie clenched his jaw.

“And I’d rather not have to pick up your dirty socks and underwear off the floor every morning, but I do it; so spit it out, Kray.”

Reggie sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He swallowed. He didn’t want to tell Kate because he didn’t want to upset her. She was doing so well and he was so unbelievably proud of her that he didn’t want this to knock her back. But he never lied to Kate about anything, even the dodgy side of business. He was open with her about everything and even sought her advice. She was the most important person in his life and he trusted her implicitly, which was why he knew he had to tell her.

“I don’t know how to say this really,” he began. “Me and Ronnie were at the club sorting out some paperwork and we got to talking about you.”

“And?”

“And, well, we were talking about how well you’re doing now that you’re on the pills,” he said, twitching uncomfortably. Funny how a man like Reginald Kray could murder in cold blood without even flinching but the thought of upsetting his wife set him off like nothing else. “But Ronnie started on talking a load of bollocks about how you weren’t behaving right. He reckons that them pills should have you all knocked out what they did to him.”

“I see,” Kate sighed, trying to maintain a calm facade.

Inside her heart was beating so wildly that she was worried Reggie could hear it in the quiet of their still living room, where the only other sound to be heard was Lydia’s quiet but rapid breathing. She should have guessed that Ronnie would realise that something was amiss. In her haste to form a plan to get her and Lydia to safety forever, she had overlooked her brother in law. Ronnie was clever; more clever than people gave him credit for. He was like a lion; silent and stealthy despite his imposing size. He watched people from afar with those all seeing eyes of his and took in everything about them. He was wily like a fox and not someone to be messed with. Kate realised that she was going to have to put her plan into action sooner rather than later before Ronnie got into Reggie’s head even more, just like she knew he would.

Which was why when less than ten minutes later, when Reggie received a phone call explaining that he would be needed at the club that night to deal with some unexpected yet very important guests, Kate had been the perfect understanding wife and encouraged him to go. She reassured him that she and Lydia would be absolutely fine and be fast asleep, keeping the bed warm for him ready for cuddles when he returned.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Are you sure you don’t mind me going out tonight?” Reggie checked, fastening the knot on his tie. “I promised you that once the baby came I wouldn’t do this.”

“I know,” Kate smiled, moving his hands aside to sort his tie out for him. She knew he could do it himself but she wanted the excuse to touch him one last time. “But business comes first sometimes and I understood that when I married you.”

“Some days I don’t think I deserve you,” Reggie cupped her face. “Scrap that; I think it every day. Who would have thought all them years ago when you, this scrawny little thing, punched seven bells out of me that we would be like this? Married and with a kid? You’ve stuck with me through so much shit. Even when I was in jail, you never went a week without visiting me and telling me how much you couldn’t wait for our life together when I got out. You mean the world to me, Kate; you’re not only my wife and my best friend, but you gave me the most beautiful daughter and I can never show you my gratitude enough for that.”

Kate wound her arms around Reggie’s neck, breathing in the musky smell of his cologne and relishing the feel of his warm body against hers. She stood on her tiptoes to brush her lips against his and allowed him to pull her closer to deepen the kiss. For the briefest of moments she was transported back to their first kiss years ago when she had been fourteen. 

_It was cold and raining as Kate hurried through the empty streets. She was in so much trouble if her parents knew she was out in the middle of the night, but the lure of sneaking into Mickey Bryson’s party with her best friend, Sarah, has been something she couldn’t pass up. Anyone who was anyone had been there and it was worth the risk of being caught and grounded for the rest of her life._

_“Psst,” a voice whispered from the ginnel behind her._

_Ignoring every sane part of her brain, she turned around to investigate. When a hand reached out and dragged her down the alley, her scream was muffled as a hand clamped over her mouth._

_“Ssh,” the voice whispered. “It’s me. Don’t scream and I’ll take my hand away, alright?”_

_Kate nodded and the second the hand left her mouth she spun around and stamped on her assailant’s foot so hard that he shouted in agony._

_“What did you fucking do that for?”_

_“You said not to scream; you didn’t say I couldn’t hurt you,” Kate raised an eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest._

_“You, Kate Smyth, are fucking brutal,” Reggie frowned, pointing a finger at her._

_“Serves you right for sneaking up on people in the dead of night and dragging them into dark alleyways,” Kate smirked and felt just the tiniest bit bad for hurting him._

_“Firstly, not my fault you’re a right nosy cow and couldn’t resist taking a peak down here. And second of all, you shouldn’t be out here alone at this time of night and if I want to, I could easily tell your parents anything I want. I could tell them that not only were you out walking the streets in the early hours of the morning, but that I saw you kiss not one but two different boys at Mickey’s party tonight.”_

_“And that would be a fucking lie,” Kate hissed, her blue eyes blazing with fury. “I didn’t kiss anyone at the party and if you actually saw me there then you would know that, you little bullshitter.”_

_“Tut tut, Kate,” Reggie shook his head in mock disgust and grinned, stepping closer. “Your mother needs to wash your mouth out with soap. You could turn the air blue, you. But, because I am such a generous and considerate person, I am willing to make a little deal with you.”_

_“A deal?” Kate pulled a face. “What sort of deal?”_

_“In exchange for my silence,” Reggie said as though it should have been obvious. “You give me what I want and in return, I don’t tell your parents where you were tonight and I’ll even walk you home safe and sound.”_

_“I don’t need walking home,” Kate eyed him with a glare. “And I’m not afraid of your threats or attempts at blackmail, Reginald Kray. So go and try it on someone else.”_

_“Ah, but that’s the thing, Kate,” Reggie sighed, stepping closer and tucking a strand of that flame red hair behind her ear. “I don’t wanna try it on someone else.”_

_“You don’t?” Kate whispered, mesmerised by the look of want in his eyes._

_“Nah,” he crinkled his nose. “You not gonna ask me what it is I want in exchange for my silence?”_

_Kate swallowed. She couldn’t speak; she couldn’t concentrate. Not on anything. Apart from the beating of her heart and the pounding in her ears and as Reggie’s head slowly descended until his lips met hers in a butterfly of a kiss. He pulled back for the merest second until his hands found their way into her hair so he could tilt her head back and deepen the kiss._

_Kissing Reggie Kray was something she had dreamt of for months, even if she didn’t like to admit it, but this was more than she could have ever imagined. This was more than the pitiful imaginings that had gone through her head as she kissed her pillow at night, pretending it was his lips and and not the rough material of her pillow case against her own lips._

_Eventually, Reggie lifted his head and brushed his thumb against her cheek then her lips that were red and swollen from his kisses._

_“I’m gonna do that every day for the rest of my life,” he promised._

Kate wanted to cry. She wanted to beg him not to leave. She wanted to tell him to come with them but she knew he wouldn’t, and as much as her heart ached at the thought of leaving the man who owned her heart, it wasn’t that simple anymore. Reggie might have owned her heart, but Lydia was the life force that kept it beating. Lydia knew what Kate’s heart sounded like from inside of her and they shared a bond that was more than true love. Which was why Kate knew she had to let Reggie go.

“I love you, Reggie Kray,” she whispered, cupping his cheek and memorising every inch of his face.

No matter where she went, she would never forget him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ronnie hated arguing with his brother. It never sat right with him. They were two halves of one soul and when they weren’t happy with one another, it hurt like a physical ache. Ronnie also hated apologising, especially when he knew he wasn’t in the wrong. But sometimes, it was better to take the high road and apologise even when you didn’t want to because harbouring resentment was bad for the inner soul. And his inner soul was already full of resentment and hatred enough. So as much as he didn’t want to, Ronnie found himself walking up the road, just a few doors down from the house he lived in with his and Reggie’s mother, and stopping at the shiny black painted door of his brother’s.

He never used to knock; he never needed to because the door was always unlocked. But about a year after Kate and Reggie were married, Ronnie had let himself in as usual and been visually assaulted by the sight of his brother and Kate fucking on the very kitchen table that he had been sat at eating his lunch only a few hours before. After that, he had well and truly learnt his lesson and always knocked.

He knocked quietly at first and heard nothing, but inside he could hear the radio blaring so he knew that someone was home. He knocked again, a little louder this time but still there was nothing. Peering in through the living room window, he couldn’t make out much because the net curtains obscured much of his view but something seemed a little off. The radio was on and the living room lights were on but there didn’t seem to be anyone about. Against his better judgment, he decided to break his own rule and pushed open the living room door.

Peeking his head around, Ronnie called out but was greeted by the sound of music. He passed through the living room and into the kitchen, expecting to see Kate and Reggie sat eating or having a drink, but the kitchen was as empty as the rest of the house. He turned to leave, but a piece of paper on the table caught his eye and with a frown he peered over his glasses to read the neat scrawl with wet splatters dotted about the page.

_Reggie,_

_You have to see that this is for the best. Lydia needs me, and I need her to be safe. I can’t do that here, and there’s no way I can leave her to the mercy of the people that so desperately want to hurt her. Therefore, she’s coming with me and I promise I’ll look after her forever._

_I love you always,_

_Kate._

“Coming with me?” Ronnie frowned, repeating the lines of the letter as he read them again. “Coming with you where, Kate? Where the fuck have you taken her?”

Ronnie shoved the letter hurriedly in his pocket and realised he had to find Reggie as quickly as possible. Kate had taken the baby and gone who knew were. She wouldn’t get very far; not if he and Reggie could help it. This cemented exactly the point he had tried to make to his brother. Kate wasn’t well and she needed help before she and Lydia disappeared forever.

Suddenly from upstairs he heard the gentlest of creaks from the front bedroom. It was so soft that he wondered if perhaps he had imagined it at first. Edging closer to the stairs, he heard it again and then he heard Kate talking quietly to Lydia. She was crying and apologising and telling her how much she loved her and always would.

Frowning, Ronnie started up the stairs as quietly as he could. The last thing he wanted was to startle Kate in her obviously distressed state, but nothing could have prepared him for what he witnessed when he reached the doorway of the bedroom.

“Kate, what the fucking hell do you think you’re doing?”


	3. Chapter Three

“Kate, what the fucking hell do you think you’re doing?”

For a moment, Ronnie couldn’t move; he was frozen to the spot, watching in horror as Kate held the pillow mere millimetres from Lydia’s angelic sleeping face. Then suddenly, he moved faster than he ever had in his entire life. One minute he was in the doorway and the next he had Kate flung against the wall, the pillow thrown away while he checked Lydia over. Relief was a nowhere near adequate description to explain what he felt when he heard Lydia’s soft breathing, and realised that she was completely unharmed and unaware of just how close she had come to death. And at the hands of her own mother nonetheless.

“Ronnie, please,” Kate wept pitifully, scrambling to her feet and trying to get past him.

“Step one foot closer to that baby, Kate and I will hurt you,” he said calmly. “You know I’ll do it.”

“You don’t understand,” she was wide eyed and desperate. “We have to go together, Ron. I need to keep her safe and I can’t keep her safe if I go and she doesn’t come.”

“Neither of you are going anywhere,” Ron said firmly. “I’m gonna get Reggie and we’re gonna sort this out.”

“No,” she screeched, clasping her head as though in pain. “I’ve already taken them and I can’t leave her. Please Ronnie, I’m begging you with everything inside of me; please don’t let them separate us. It’s what they want. It’s what they all want. They don’t want us to be together, but don’t you see that this is the only way I can keep her safe?”

“What have you taken, Kate?” Ronnie frowned, a feeling of dread settling on top of his chest.

“Just let me have Lydia, please,” she sobbed. “Please Ronnie. Reggie won’t know. No one will know. Just leave and let me help her the only way I know how.”

“I would know!” Ronnie roared, grabbing her angrily by the face. “I would fucking know, wouldn’t I? I would have to look at my brother in the eye every day for the rest of our lives knowing that I let you kill his daughter all because you wouldn’t take the fucking help when it was offered.”

“They weren’t trying to help me,” she yelled, agitated and panicked that he wasn’t going to leave like she was desperate for him to.

The wail that left her body was a sound Ronnie would never forget for as long as he lived. It was raw agony and it stabbed at him like a knife to the heart. She really believed what she was saying; she was living in her own little world where she was convinced this was her truth. Ronnie wound his arms around her and held her. He didn’t even have time to think about how alien this sort of comfort felt to him. All he could do was hold her trembling body as she cried so hard that her voice cracked and she soaked the front of his shirt. He closed his eyes and stroked her hair, ignoring the strange pang of grief that filled every crevice of his body.

“Come on, it’s alright,” his gruff voice was softer than he’d ever heard it before. “We’re gonna get you better, I promise.”

But there was silence and he felt Kate grow limp in his arms. With horror he remembered her ramblings about having taken something. In the heat of the moment and in his haste to try and calm her down, he’d forgotten all about it.

“Kate,” he shook her, watching her pale head bob backwards and forwards as he shook her desperately. “Kate, wake up.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Kate swallowed. And again. Her throat was dry and she felt like her mouth was stuffed full of cotton wool. She opened her eyes but they were so heavy that she struggled to keep them from closing again.

“Kate?”

She recognised that voice. With great difficulty she opened up her eyes and looked into her husband’s eyes. They were devoid of the usual tenderness and love she was so used to seeing there. Instead they looked at her with only pure hatred and disgust.

“Lydia,” she managed to croak out pathetically.

“You’ve got no right to even mention her name,” Reggie spat.

“I’m her mother,” Kate whispered.

“No,” Reggie shook his head; the hatred in his eyes burned her. “You lost your right to call yourself that the day you tried to fucking kill her. If it weren’t for Ronnie, fighting to get you in this place, I would have happily left you to rot in the nut house with all the other lunatics. And the only reason I haven’t is cos Lydia deserves more than living her life with everyone knowing her mother is a fucking nutter. But for as long as I live, you will never ever have anything to do with her, do you understand?”

“Reggie, please,” Kate sobbed, her heart breaking even in her sedated state. She reached out her hand and he took it in his own, squeezing so hard that she groaned in pain.

“The only reason I’m here is because I prayed that you wouldn’t wake up, and I wanted to see it with my own eyes when you died,” he growled into her ear, squeezing her hand even harder. “With any luck, there’s still time for that to happen, even if it’s not today.”

He stood up and straightened his jacket calmly before leaving the room and never even giving her so much as a second glance.

Kate crumbled the instant the door slammed shut behind him. Her heart ached for so many reasons. She wanted her daughter; she wanted to hold her and smell that beautiful newborn smell that encompassed her. She knew that what she had done was wrong, but somewhere in the back of her still confused mind, she knew that if she was given the chance she would do it again. Only this time she wouldn’t fail. Reggie’s reaction had told her everything she needed to know. They had gotten to him and now that she was stuck here- wherever here was- she knew it was only a matter of time before they turned Lyda against her too, if they hadn’t already.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Here, Kate discovered, turned out to be a private hospital out in Hertfordshire. It was an old manor house that had been designed to house up to fifteen patients at a time. The house, despite its grandeur and clinical items, still had a homely and warm feel to it. It was extremely different to being in a run of the mill hospital, all crammed together with other people. All of this came with a very big price, but Ronnie had paid it without question. He had gotten Kate to the nearest hospital, and once they had flushed the drugs out of her system he had made arrangements for her to be transferred here.

The aftermath of Kate’s attempted overdose along with what she tried to do to Lydia had sent Reggie completely off the edge. He didn’t go to the police; of course he didn’t. They were Krays for crying out loud. No, instead Reggie had informed his brother that if Kate didn’t die herself then he would organise it to happen. As far as he was concerned, he no longer had a wife. She was all but dead to him now.

Ronnie knew that Reggie was just in shock. What sane human wouldn’t be? Of course Ronnie himself wasn’t exactly sane, therefore he felt nothing but sympathy for his sister in law. Her actions hadn’t been her own and she was as much a victim in this as her daughter could have been. The human brain was a complex thing, and what many failed to understand was that problems of the mind didn’t always have a reason or rhyme behind them. When he had been in the nuthouse they had explained to him that these problems came about due to some sort chemical imbalance in the brain. In the past, this had been an unknown thing, and apparently even now some doctors disputed the truth of this and believed that once you had lost your mind, there was no going back to normal. And they might be true for some. After all, Ronnie was still mentally ill but he only managed to stay partly stable because of the pills. But that didn’t mean Kate wouldn’t get better. The specialist at the private hospital had explained to Ronnie that Kate was suffering with postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis, which was caused by giving birth and all the changes in emotions and hormones. He also explained that with the right medication and some therapy, Kate would get better. One thing Ronnie had been insistent upon was that they didn’t use electric shock therapy, and the relief he had felt the specialist had expressed his disdain for such barbaric treatments had been inexpressible.

Four weeks had passed and by all accounts Kate was doing very well. She was taking her medicines and actively participating in therapy. The delusional thoughts had abated and Kate felt nothing but guilt and remorse for what she had done. Ronnie had seen such a difference in her during his twice weekly visits, and just the day before the specialist had said that if she continued in this manner, she would be allowed home in a week or two. Kate though had looked nowhere near as happy as he thought she would have.

_“If I leave here, where am I gonna go?” she asked quietly._

_“Home, where else?” Ronnie frowned._

_“I can’t go home,” she whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek._

_“Why the fuck not?”_

_“Reggie hates me.”_

_“He doesn’t hate you.” Ronnie lied. But even as he said the words, they tasted like ash in his mouth._

_“Ronnie, if I go back home, it won’t be long before I’m in a wooden box,” Kate bit her lip. “Reggie hates me and wants me dead. And you know what? I can’t say I blame him.”_

_“Reggie, doesn’t hate you, Kate,” Ronnie took her hand and squeezed it. “He’s just having a hard time dealing with it all. He loves you and once you’re home, the two of you can concentrate on being a family again.”_

But Ronnie wasn’t sure that that could ever be. Reggie was adamant that he would never allow Kate back to their home, and he sure as hell wouldn’t let her anywhere near Lydia. It didn’t matter how many times Ronnie updated his brother on Kate’s progress, he didn’t care. Reggie said he’d sooner kill her himself than have her anywhere near them. Ronnie knew that was a lie. He knew that when Reggie thought nobody was around he would hold the picture of him and Kate on their wedding day and trace the lines of her smiling face with painful adoration. Reggie missed his wife and he couldn’t be without her, but he needed to accept the fact that Kate had been seriously ill when she had done what she did. She was as much a victim in this as Reggie was, if not more. She was the one who had to physically go through it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“We need to talk, about Kate,” Ronnie cleared his throat.

He had not long gotten back from seeing Kate, and decided that he was going to have to bring up the subject with Reggie whether he wanted to or not.

“Is she dead?” Reggie asked, placing Lydia in her Moses basket underneath the living room window.

“No.”

“Then there aint nothing to talk about is there?” Reggie fixed him with a stare that broached no argument. It was a good job that Ronnie enjoyed arguing, and especially with his brother.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Ronnie harrumphed. “When are you gonna take your head out of your fucking arse and realise that she needs you?”

“She needs me? And I’m meant to care?” Reggie scoffed. “She tried to kill my fucking daughter.”

“Because she was fucking ill!” Ronnie roared. “She didn’t know what she was doing; she was fucking ill, you selfish fucking bastard! When did you ever have this sort of doubt about my illness when they first locked me away, hmm?”

“I didn’t,” Reggie mumbled reluctantly, rocking the Moses basket to lull Lydia to sleep and also to avoid looking at his brother. “But that was different.”

“How exactly?”

“I dunno,” Reggie shrugged. “It just was. You’re half of me aren’t you? You and me are twins; we grew in the womb together and have shared every bit of life together. We’re two halves of one whole.”

“That’s true,” Ronnie agreed. “But as much as I hate to admit this, so are you and Kate. Me and you are connected by blood but what you and Kate have is something even more special. You were brought together by something special and you complete each other. I share your heart simply because we’re twins, but Kate owns it because she’s worthy of it, and no one else ever could be. And you know that deep down inside of you there is no part of that girl that could ever do what she tried to do unless there was something seriously wrong with her head.”

Reggie closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn’t want to acknowledge or accept what Ronnie was saying. He _couldn’t_ accept it. To accept it was to admit that he had failed his wife. He had promised to always keep her safe and look after her, but the one time she had really needed him he’d let her down spectacularly. God, his heart ached like nothing he had ever known before. The only thing that came close when when she was sixteen and her parents had taken her away to visit family for two weeks in the summer. He had missed her so much then that he felt like he was missing a limb and he had wallowed for those entire fourteen days.

He was a terrible father. He tried his best to do everything for little Lydia, but he often found himself at a loss. During the day, his mum or Kate’s mum would stop by and help out while he took care of business at the club, but as night drew in he was alone. Without Kate, the bed felt empty. He hadn’t changed the sheets since she had been gone because he couldn’t bare to not smell her lavender scent near him. It comforted him even when he tried to convince himself he hated her. It wasn’t just in bed that he missed her. He craved the sound of her gentle, and slightly off-key, singing when she made dinner, and the way she leaned into him when he wrapped his arms around her waist. The way her eyes twinkled mischievously when she was winding him up and the dimples in her cheeks whenever she smiled. She always hated them but he thought they were beautiful. Everything about her was beautiful.

Ronnie was right; she owned his heart completely and she was what kept it beating steady and sure. God, what a fucking bastard he had been to her. Those horrid words he had spoken to her. He was disgusted at himself. His poor sweet Kate, the girl who would punch and scrap with the rest of the lads growing up and then go and discuss hair and make up with the other girls. If it weren’t for Ronnie, she would have been left to rot like an animal. He was beyond ashamed of himself, and he didn’t think that he could ever earn, nor did he deserve, her forgiveness. But he wanted it, because life without her wasn’t life. It was breathing but not really feeling the fresh air in your lungs. It was eating but never tasting.

Reggie opened his eyes and without warning grabbed hold of Ronnie for dear life.

“I’ll fix this,” he whispered, feeling safe in the comfort of his brother’s embrace. “I swear to you, I’ll fix this.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Kate smoothed down her skirt and patted her hair. She eyed herself in the mirror, taking in her fresh complexion and the near invisible circles under her eyes. Aside from the tablets making her feel slightly numb and a little tired, she had no erratic thoughts and she felt even better than just a week before. She felt a strange sort of peace. Well, except for the never-ending ache in her heart when she thought of Reggie and Lydia.

Ronnie was coming in to visit this afternoon- he was due any minute- and he was going to help Kate figure out her next step for when she was released the following week. All she wanted was to go home, but she knew that couldn’t be.

“Your visitors are here,” one of the orderlies peeked her head around the door.

“Visitors?” Kate frowned.

“They’re waiting for you in the dayroom,” the woman smiled.

Feeling more than a little confused, Kate checked her appearance once more before beginning the short walk downstairs to the day room.

Set in the conservatory, overlooking the vast expanse of lush green gardens, the day room was the place where the patients could gather to read and play games or enjoy visits with families and friends. It was usually quiet at this time of day, with many of the patients taking naps or taking walks around the garden, which was why Ronnie always chose this time to come. It meant he and Kate could take without too many people around. It turned out that even in a convalescent hospital for the mentally unstable, people were excited to see one of the Krays.

Walking into the day room, Kate’s eyes searched for Ronnie in the usual seat he chose right in the far corner but found him absent. Glancing around, she caught sight of a familiar figure across the other side of the room and her knees almost buckled from underneath her. He was here. Reggie was here and in his arms was the baby she hadn’t seen in almost two months.

She couldn’t move. She was afraid that if she got any closer they would disappear like some sort of cruel illusion. Her face crumbled and she broke down in tears as Reggie stood and strode quickly towards her.

“Don’t cry, babe,” he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her head. “Please don’t cry.”

“You’re here,” she wept. “Why are you here?”

“To see you, you daft sod,” he lifted her face to wipe away her tears with the back of his hand. “Kate, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m never gonna be able to apologise to you enough, but just please, please know how sorry I am.”

“It’s ok,” she whispered. “Promise this isn’t some sort of joke? This is really real.”

“Promise you, babe,” Reggie took her face in his hand and brushed his lips against hers. “I’m nothing without you and I’m so sorry that I wasn’t here for you when you needed me.”

“You’re here now,” she kissed him back. “You’re here now.”

“We’re both here,” he smiled, looking down at the little bundle in his arms.

Kate felt so many emotions running through her at the sight of those wide blue eyes staring up at her, but the thing that she felt the most was unwavering love. Even the guilt inside her couldn’t outweigh the love that ran through every part of her.

“She’s missed her Mum,” Reggie held Lydia out.

Kate looked at him with wide eyes. She swallowed and wiped the sweat from her shaking palms. Her arms ached with the desperation to hold her daughter but she just couldn’t do it. The last time she had touched her she had almost killed her. How could she hold ever again? How did Reggie trust her to do it?

“Kate,” Reggie spoke softly. “Take her, love.”

“I can’t,” Kate’s bottom lip wobbled. “I want to, Reg. I wanna hold her so much it hurts. I’ve thought about holding her all the time, but I’m terrified of hurting her even unintentionally. She’s so perfect and so beautiful and I nearly took her away from you. If Ronnie hadn’t have-”

“-But Ronnie did,” Reggie stroked her face. “You weren’t well, love. It wasn’t your fault, yeah? Please hold her. Hold her and feel how much she loves you.”

Kate blinked back more tears and reached out a tentative finger to stroke the top of Lydia’s head. She was so soft and despite having grown, she was still so small. Kate stroked Lydia’s tiny little hand and when her fist wrapped around it, she could have cried. She was so undeserving of such love and trust. Before she knew it was even happening, Lydia was in her arms and it was as though she had never left them. Her eyes traced those perfectly formed lips, so full like her fathers, and her chubby cheeks. She was beautiful.

“I’m sorry,” Kate whispered, wiping away the tear that dripped onto Lydia’s nose. “Mummy’s so sorry, darling.”

“No more apologising,” Reggie kissed Kate on the head again. “All that matters now is that we can be a family again. When you come home next week, we will be a family again.”

“You want me to come home?”

“Of course I do,” Reggie pressed his forehead against hers. “Home isn’t home if you’re not in it. I’m not me if you’re not with me. I love you, Kate, so fucking much.”

“I love you too.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Seven years later_

“Mum that’s not fair. He started it and now I’m in trouble for sticking up for myself.”

“I don’t care who started it, I’m ending it,” Kate eyed her daughter with a raised brow. “You wait until your Dad hears about this.”

“Hears about what?” Reggie appeared as if by magic, scooping up the four year old twin boys who came running up to him excitedly. “Hello boys, been good for Mum today?”

“For once, yes,” Kate snorted. “These two decided to behave today and instead Lydia’s the one who’s been acting up. Fighting in the street with Joe Matthews. I had to pull her off of him and I swear I’ve never been so embarrassed in all my life.”

“What did you do that for?” Reggie put the boys down and turned his attention to his eldest child who was pouting sullenly.

“He kicked me in the leg so I punched him in the face,” she answered.

“That’s my girl,” Reggie grinned, ducking when Kate went to smack him around the head. “What?”

“What do you mean, what?” she mocked his incredulous expression. “I’ve just told her off for fighting like some hooligan and you’re praising her for it.”

“Course I am,” Reggie grinned, pulling Kate against him and kissing her softly. He smiled against her mouth when the children all groaned in disgust. He pulled back and stared into her eyes, looking at her with an adoration that had only grown over the years. “Anyway, you can’t tell her off for behaving exactly like you did at her age. Even if it weren’t me, you were always scrapping with someone.”

“Yeah, and look where it got me,” she pretended to glare. “A husband and three kids to clean up after all day long.”

“Soon to be four, or perhaps five,” Reggie smirked, rubbing her swollen stomach. “Hopefully this time there’s only one in there.”

“There better be,” Kate grinned.

But two months later when she delivered another set of twin boys, she couldn’t have been any happier. Neither of them could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that I know in keeping with the times, Kate would have really gone into an institution for sometime and possibly been subjected to electric shock therapy, but I just couldn't do it to her

**Author's Note:**

> This little fic is based partially off of my own postpartum experiences. If you or anyone you know is suffering, reach out and get help. I am always happy to listen to anyone who wants to talk about anything. Don't ever feel alone <3


End file.
